Sometimes a book isn't a heartbreaking work of staggering genius. Sometimes it's the only story you knew how to tell.
Because I was dying. And Warner could’ve let me die. He was angry and hurt and had every reason to be bitter. I’d just ripped his heart out; I’d let him believe something would come of our relationship. I let him confess the depth of his feelings to me; I let him touch me in ways even Adam hadn't. I didn't ask him to stop. Every inch of me was saying yes. And then I took it all back. Because I was scared, and confused, and conflicted. Because of Adam. Warner told me he loved me, and in return I insulted him and lied to him and yelled at him and pushed him away. And when he had the chance to stand back and watch me die, he didn’t. He found a way to save my life. With no demands. No expectations. Believing full well that I was in love with someone else, and that saving my life meant making me whole again only to give me back to another guy. And right now, I can’t say I know what Adam would do if I were dying in front of him. I’m not sure if he would save my life. And that uncertainty alone makes me certain that something wasn't right between us.
"You" he whispers, "you destroy me. Juliette I want you. I want all of you. I want you inside and out and catching your breath and aching for me like I ache for you. I've never tried to hide that from you. I never pretended I wanted anything else-Yes I do. I do want to be your friend. I want to be the friend you fall hopelessly in love with. the one who will memorize the things you say as well as the shape of your lips when you say them. I want to know how to convince you to design a smile just for me . Yes I do want to be your friend. I want to be your best friend in the entire world. I want so many things. I want your mind. your strength. I want to be worthy of your time. I want to feel your heart racing next to mine and know it's racing because of me. because you want me- "Juliette" he says, "I'm so desperately in love with you."
I love walking into a bookstore. It's like all my friends are sitting on shelves, waving their pages at me.
His gaze lingers along the lines of my body, long enough to strike a match to the lighter fluid flowing in my veins. I ignite.
And he leans in, so carefully. Breathing and not breathing and hearts beating between us and he’s so close, he’s so close and I can’t feel my legs anymore. I can’t feel my fingers or the cold or the emptiness of this room because all I feel is him, everywhere,filling everything and he whispers “Please.” He says “Please don’t shoot me for this.” And he kisses me. His lips are softer than anything I've ever known, soft like a first snowfall, like biting into cotton candy, like melting and floating and being weightless in water. It’s sweet, it’s so effortlessly sweet. And then it changes. “Oh God—” He kisses me again, this time stronger, desperate, like he has to have me, like he’s dying to memorize the feel of my lips against his own. The taste of him is making me crazy; he’s all heat and desire and peppermint and I want more. I've just begun reeling him in, pulling him into me when he breaks away. He’s breathing like he’s lost his mind andhe’s looking at me like something has brokeninside of him, like he’s woken up to find that his nightmares were just that, that they never existed, that it was all just a bad dream that felt far too real but now he’s awake and he’s safe and everything is going to be okay and I’m falling. I’m falling apart and into his heart and I’m a disaster.