One person might perceive me as godlike, and the next might think I'm a northern thug. I don't think I've done myself any favours... but I swear I've not had a proper fight since I was 14.
Equipped with two cell phones - one for work and another for home - I like to think of myself as a kind of 21st-century digital pioneer, ready to network, fax, page, e-mail and - oh, yes - talk at will.
I have a lot of things to prove to myself. One is that I can live my life fearlessly.
Strangely enough, as I explored these abandoned malls, I found myself acting like a kid all over again. At times jumping up on to nearby fountain ledges trying to balance myself as I became mesmerized all over again by the futuristic skylights that dangled fearlessly over my head.
With age, you see people fail more. You see yourself fail more. How do you keep that fearlessness of a kid? You keep going. Luckily, I'm not afraid to make a fool of myself.
You go real long in this business, and then you have these light-bulb moments. I just had this fleeting moment of fearlessness and a moment of trust in myself that I'm not going to listen to anyone. I'm going to do it how I want to do it. And how I want to do is what people are going to want to see and promoters want to pay for.
My own feelings of where I am in this world and the questions that I am asking myself, I started to explore them through the story 'Four Feathers' and through this actor called Heath Ledger. I knew that I had to find a 21-year-old who could play wisdom at the end. He's only 21 or 22, and I tested him.
I have done a lot of work in Hollywood myself. I worked in television for roughly 10 years, from the mid-'80s to mid-'90s. And I was on staff at a couple of shows. I did some feature films, including originals and adaptations.
In feature films, I used to be the hero's friend, a regular character. In short films, I played the hero; I got roles where I could work on my character and performance. They made me aware of myself as an actor.
I was the guy who makes you scrub the latrine, the guy who makes you make your bed, the guy who screams at you for being late to work. The job requires you to be a mean, tough person. And I was fed up with it. I promised myself that if I ever got away from it, it wasn't going to be that way any more.
Weeks go by, and I don't paint until finally I can't stand it any longer. I get fed up. I almost don't want to talk about it, because I don't want to become self-conscious about it, but perhaps I create these little crises as a kind of a secret strategy to push myself.
I can remember watching Federer win Grand Slams on TV when I was a kid trying to put myself in his shoes.
I was the youngest of six kids, so yeah, feeding myself was important, but it's not like I was obsessed with food growing up.
For years, I wasn't feeling good about myself. My head wasn't clear. I was doing nothing productive.
This last year I kind of stopped working out. I think my body just needed a break. And so I did that, and focused more on feeling good as opposed to beating myself up.
When I'm feeling down on myself or not feeling good about who I am, or maybe something happened and I'm feeling depressed, I eat to fill that void. Afterwards I'll beat myself up about it. I regret doing it, but I'll turn around and do it again.
I have feelings too. I am still human. All I want is to be loved, for myself and for my talent.
While 'Felicity' was successful in the States, and I had opportunities to do other stuff, I didn't want to do anything to make myself more famous. I wasn't dealing well with the celebrity of all of that. I was 23 - just a kid - and not coming from money, it was all just too much. I just wanted to slow it down a little bit, and gain control.
One day, I read an extremely vague ad looking for someone interested in working in film. Seeing as I loved watching films, I replied, and I found myself working for this guy who did his own personal editing of scenes from Antonioni and Fellini films.
When I first saw a Fellini movie, I came out of the movie theatre and decided to become a lawyer! I thought to myself, it's impossible to make something so beautiful!
