My first tape was 'Hey, I can do what y'all do.' It's new, flashy, and not through rap. It was a guy singing how cool he was. I'm here with big bro Drake; I'm his little gunner.
I did Broadway shows. And I started realizing that this is actually how I'm going to make my living. So maybe I should try to do television and film and make a better living and get an occasional residual check so I can pay a mortgage someday.
I have performed my one-man show '700 Sundays' over 400 times now. There were only two times that I can honestly say I was nervous. The first was when I knew Mel Brooks was in the audience, and the second was when Sid Caesar came.
I can juggle, not well... I can balance a broom on my chin. I can do very simple carny tricks, a little sleight of hand with cards and coins.
Most of my fundamentalist brothers and sisters - and I am an evangelical, so I can say most of my fundamentalist brothers and sisters - are quite willing to pack women off and send them as missionaries to dangerous places where they might get killed.
I've been rocking these brows and crazy hair since I can remember.
I can well conceive a man without hands, feet, head. But I cannot conceive man without thought; he would be a stone or a brute.
I'm a poor artist. Through brute force, I brought myself up to mediocre. I've never taken a writing class, but I can write okay.
The longest I’ve gone without a panic attack is about two months. Even then I can feel it bubbling away under the surface.
People ask how I can be a conservative and still want higher taxes. It makes my head spin, and I guess it shows how old I am. But I thought that conservatives were supposed to like balanced budgets. I thought it was the conservative position to not leave heavy indebtedness to our grandchildren.
I'm a bit of a caveman - I don't go out into the digital space very often. I lie facedown on the grass and count how many bugs I can find.
The bulk of the emails tend to come after a column. I can get about 2,000 after a column.
I can find only one bull market, in 1935, that didn't have some material indigestion within its first 12 months.
Power is getting things done without having to demonstrate that you can bulldoze it through. I'm most effective when I've studied an issue, when I can make a credible argument, and then bring people along.
My last race was at Le Mans in 2000, my first race was in 1959, so I dodged a lot of bullets along the way, I can tell you that.
I like dealing with a peer so I can bully them. Because then, it's not bullying. It's just warfare.
I can relax with bums because I am a bum. I don't like laws, morals, religions, rules. I don't like to be shaped by society.
If I can go from burglar for the government to talk show host, you can go from entertainer to congressman.
I have an unconscious burglar living in my mind: If I read something, it's mine. I can read Middle English stories, Geoffrey Chaucer or Sir Thomas Malory, but once I start moving in the direction of contemporary fantasy, my mind begins to take over.
I don't take anything from the podcast and bring it to my act, because I feel like that's been burned, unless I feel like I can really develop it beyond two or three jumps beyond what I said on the podcast.
