…the sad part is, that I will probably end up loving you without you for much longer than I loved you when I knew you. Some people might find that strange. But the truth of it is that the amount of love you feel for someone and the impact they have on you as a person, is in no way relative to the amount of time you have known them.
Break ups have the tendency to put us off of love and emotions. In our hour of pain in comes Savagery on its white horse to save the day, because of course in the land of the brokenhearted, the savage man is king. We think that because the break up hurt so bad that we have been gifted with the right to move forward only caring about how things effect us, pretending as if we have no emotions. It will seem at first that this jump into the give no F’s pool is great, but eventually the pain that you’re running from will show up. Don’t waste the opportunity to deal with your pain instead of hiding from it. It is by dealing with it that you keep this break up from becoming baggage.
Your heart matters and your pain matters, but for the love of all things beautiful in the world, you must keep your cool. Whether things ended amicably or in a messy manner, your overwhelming desire to express your emotions will reach a peak and you will want your voice heard. The best advice you will ever receive when it comes to this part is this: You are a queen and you must not disgrace yourself. It will seem easier said than done, but you must keep in mind that you are a woman of greatness and women of greatness carry themselves in grace and dignity.
Here is where the hard part comes in. The time has come to BLOCK him. Sigh. That part. Whether the relationship ends badly or not, you will want to know how your ex is fairing even if you never say it out loud. That’s normal. When you’re broken hearted these type of updates can be torture. Having to see him on your IG or FB feed can prove to be too much if you’re just trying to heal. To some this may not seem like a big deal, but here is what we know. We know that wounds can’t heal if they are being constantly poked at. So give yourself the breathing room.
So don’t be so hard on yourself when you feel that deep pain within. It totally makes sense that you feel it. Whether your relationship lasted 10 years or 6 months, it was real to you. Grieving is what happens when you allow your heart to break. The next step is up to you. It’s possible to not be frozen in the grief process forever. It takes however long as it takes, but if you are proactive in how you deal with your grief, you will find that you are not ruled by it.
It is going to be tempting to shake yourself off as if you’re already fine. Don’t do that. Don’t wear a mask or pretend that you didn’t just have your heart pulverized. This break up is going to be about YOU. So first things first, be honest with yourself and admit that you’re hurting. It’s ok to not be ok.
Tonight my heart weeps on behalf of my eyes a reluctant delegation of tears like condensation on a window on the verge of falling Tonight I am a ruin a castle made of sand The tide has come to reclaim me I am a mirage in a ghost's memory already gone if I was ever here Tonight I am the blood of the rose squeezed and pressed in a child's hand I am the moon without the sun My light is dimming and the moths have taken up residence in my stomach where the butterflies once lived It is dark and they are hungry Tomorrow I will keep planting flowers in my soul Winter will pass They will bloom and the butterflies will return