Without struggle, success has no value.
If you didn't earn something, it's not worth flaunting.
It’s the ‘everyday’ experiences we encounter along the journey to who we wanna be that will define who we are when we get there.
Your words, thoughts, intentions and actions today are your best hope, comfort, building blocks and insurance for tomorrow. But it is now alone that is guaranteed – tomorrow is a dream, a maybe a potential gift. It’s now - not tomorrow - where happiness and fulfilment live...awaiting your discovery. It’s all this that will make each extra day that may arrive extra special and rich.
The practice of living in Spirit is like polishing a stone. No matter how rough the stone may have been, with perseverance and gentle care it will eventually shine, revealing the inner beauty and divine essence which was there all along. Within each of us lies a heavenly gem, waiting patiently for us beneath the surface of our conditioning. It is ready to be handled with our loving kindness that it may again shine radiantly and majestically, in harmony with all things in this grand and mysterious world.
You are unlikely to find the perfect Life that you want. Even so, you can live fully with what you have, with what you have been given. And you do that by looking Life squarely in the eye, by facing it and by accepting what is, by learning to be happy despite the circumstances.
If it is meant for you, it will come to you. It will find you and reach you. So, don’t despair when, despite your best intention and effort, something does not happen the way you envisioned it and planned it. Take it easy. Of course, you have every right to have an intention, put forth a plan and execute it, but you have no right to insist that just because you did all that you must get what you want. The outcomes are never in your hand. The idea that you deserve something is what you have grown within you. So, drop that idea. Just do your bit, and do it well, in any situation. And leave the results, the outcomes, to Life. If you must get it, you will. When you do, be grateful for Life’s compassion. When you don’t, be accepting of Life’s verdict.
Pain is not a monster that is out to annihilate you as is popularly believed. Pain is a great teacher. While you can’t avoid pain, it teaches you, through your acceptance of any Life situation, that suffering is optional; that there is a lot of Life during and after a crisis. Truly, acceptance of a painful situation is the only way to deal with it.
Your mind’s first response to a problem situation is to deny its very existence. But being in denial mode simply means that you don’t see the problem although it exists; which means the problem is hurting you, but you don’t recognize it. When you finally acknowledge the presence of the problem, you hate it. You want it to go away. And when it doesn’t, you are over-anxious to solve it. But some problems defy human intelligence and logical solutions. They stay on, they frustrate you and leave you feeling miserable. The simple, intelligent approach to dealing with problems is to first accept them, rather than deny their existence, and then go to work on solving them. Realize that denying the presence of a problem does not mean the problem does not exist. Every problem has arrived with a specific Purpose – to teach you invaluable Life lessons, to make you stronger, wiser and happy!
Sometimes Life will hang you at the edge of the precipice. And fear will grip you. You will not know what to think, say or do. But don’t despair. You see, Life has always been and is intrinsically risky. Your education and your money trick you into a fake sense of security. But look at what Manohar Parrikar, who passed away yesterday, had to say: “You are alone in the final act of the drama when the end of the show is visible. Nothing, and no one, can help you.” Such is Life. It has always been fraught with uncertainty and has never been in your control. So, don’t fear dead-ends or no-go Life situations. Face your fears, gracefully accept the darkness. Learn to hang from that precipitous edge, live dangerously – and when you do that, you will, interestingly, not feel scared, instead you will feel calm, content and happy!
Acceptance does not necessarily help you solve a problem. But acceptance helps you immensely in dealing with it, in making you non-suffering. When you resist a situation, you are fighting it. Whatever you resist, will fight back. Such is Life. All your suffering comes from wishing that your Life is different from what it is. So, in addition to the intense pain that the situation has thrown up, you have now invited suffering into your Life by wishing that the painful situation did not exist in the first place. Instead, embrace the situation. Gracefully accept your Life for what it is. Then, slowly, very slowly, time heals, peeling off layer after layer of suffering, as you understand the futility of prolonged sadness. As your suffering and sadness dissolve, you feel repaired, happy and at peace with your new reality.
Each one’s pain is different. You can empathize with them but you cannot always understand what someone is going through. Even if they are a long-time companion, a sibling, a parent or a child. No amount of empathy can help the other person either. They have to go through what they have to go through. Ultimately, everyone has to deal with their pain themselves; they have to understand it, negotiate with it and accept it. Acceptance does not take away the pain, but it instantaneously frees you of all suffering. So, if you you love someone who is dealing with intense pain, encourage them to embrace it; help them to be non-suffering. Being non-suffering holds the key to Happiness.
Everything happens in its own time, place and pace. You may wish for something to happen. Or you may wish against its happening. But you cannot force the outcome. What has to happen alone happens – always! So, go with the flow. Understand that it is what it is. Accept every happening in your Life that you didn’t want, and which you dislike, as your new normal and keep going. This is what intelligent living is all about. It doesn’t change any reality but frees you from unhappiness, from misery. It helps you anchor in peace and be happy no matter how challenging your circumstances are.
There’s a part of all of us that is always wanting to be warm, willing to adjust, open to accommodate and ready to tolerate. But let all the warmth, adjustment, accommodation and tolerating happen at a material level. And let it stop there. Please don’t allow anyone to affect your dignity just because they are older to you or more powerful – whoever they are, even if they are a parent, sibling or spouse. Because when you allow that you end up becoming intensely unhappy. And, more often than not, you suffer silently. Let this be your guiding light – your inner peace and happiness are the only wealth you have, so, protect them till your last breath!
Don’t intellectualize Life. Not everything has a scientific, rational, logical reason to it. Beyond a point, Life is largely inscrutable. 2+2 does not often add up to 4 in Life and you can’t find the answer to some questions – particularly to the why and why me questions! It is always what it is. Life does not happen because you planned it in a certain way. It so happens that sometimes your plans are in sync with Life’s plans for you. So you end up thinking – given your education and your economic power – that you are controlling your Life. But the moment Life throws you a googly, you are stumped! You are left clueless, numb and debilitated. That’s when you realize that surrendering to Life, humbly accepting what is and going with the flow is what intelligent living is all about! This realization is the key to Happiness.
Acceptance does not make a problem go away. Accepting that a problem exists is the first step to dealing with it. When you stop denying its existence and accept that you have a problem, your ability to deal with it increases manifold. You become calm and you start exploring avenues for solving the problem. In denial mode, you are running away from the problem. And what you run away from, will chase you, will haunt you. But when you turn around and face the problem, accepting it, taking it head-on – you discover your inherent resilience and feel a strange ability to withstand any amount of pain! You may be in the throes of a huge crisis, but you are anchored and are at peace. This is why Life gave you the problem in the first place – for you to know who you truly are and what you are capable of!
The essence of Life is to be able to live with uncertainty, accepting it for what it is, embracing its inscrutability, without trying to dissect it, analyze it or justify it. Life’s beauty lies in facing it as a series of adventures. The endgame is always clear: your Life will end some day. But what will happen in the meantime, what kind of twists and turns will you encounter, what challenges will you be faced with? It is these myriad, often unpredictable, possibilities that make Life interesting. So, don’t resist Life, don’t run away from it either; turn around, face it and go with its flow…doing this does not make your problems disappear, nor will it make your passage easier, but surely, Life’s complexity gives way to a simple awakening, a realization. It is what it is. And accepting and living with what is, is Happiness!