A lie with a purpose is one of the worst kind, and the most profitable.

There ain't any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare.

Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed be the facts.

Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.

The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.