An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
In the game of life, it's a good idea to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season.
Now that women are jockeys, baseball umpires, atomic scientists, and business executives, maybe someday they can master parallel parking.
A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm.
A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.
The groundhog is like most other prophets; it delivers its prediction and then disappears.