Pessimist: One who, when he has the choice of two evils, chooses both.
The well bred contradict other people. The wise contradict themselves.
Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people.
One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.
Memory... is the diary that we all carry about with us.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
Death and vulgarity are the only two facts in the nineteenth century that one cannot explain away.
The salesman knows nothing of what he is selling save that he is charging a great deal too much for it.
Charity creates a multitude of sins.
How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive.
If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized.
There is only one class in the community that thinks more about money than the rich, and that is the poor. The poor can think of nothing else.
The world is divided into two classes, those who believe the incredible, and those who do the improbable.
There is something terribly morbid in the modern sympathy with pain. One should sympathise with the colour, the beauty, the joy of life. The less said about life's sores the better.
America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.
You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you have never had the courage to commit.
Most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it is too late that the only things one never regrets are one's mistakes.
Now that the House of Commons is trying to become useful, it does a great deal of harm.