I'm filthy rich!
The problem with me, as far as getting married and having a family, is that my comedy is so important to me. So I don't know if I'll ever be as good a dad as my dad.
When I was younger and did a stand-up gig, it would take me two weeks to recover. Sometimes I'd get so panicked that I would stutter.
I had my moments of being humiliated, and then I had moments of doing something humiliating. I'm glad I lived out both roles.
SNL is a home. You've got all of your brothers and sisters there, and it's a great time.
We just bought this house. It's too big. It's like 400,000 square feet, or something. We got an indoor lake and ski slope in the house! It's just too big.
I still get very scared when I step in front of a live audience.
I sing seriously to my mom on the phone. To put her to sleep, I have to sing 'Maria' from West Side Story. When I hear her snoring, I hang up.
Well, we're living in a material world, and I'm a material girl... or boy.
Sir one more comment like that and I will strangle you with my microphone wire!
Well I have a microphone and you don't so you will listen to every damn word I have to say!
I've been called a moron since I was about four. My father called me a moron. My grandfather said I was a moron. And a lot of times when I'm driving, I hear I'm a moron. I like being a moron.
I prefer musicals, because I am the best dancer who ever lived. The best plies, the best sashays, and by far the best-smelling Capezios.
When the kids are laughing in the audience, I tear up, I'm so happy I did a nice thing.
When I'm up there, and I know the show's coming to a close, in my head I'm saying to myself, Oh man, you gotta get off and be a normal person again. That's what I don't like so much.
With the amount of money I have, it's difficult raising children the way I was raised.
In one day, I have times where I'm feeling great, I feel like I love my life, and then 2:30 rolls around and I'm the angriest man alive. My wife sees it.
Doing Saturday Night Live definitely affects my relationship with my girlfriend and with my family, because you feel so much pressure to do well that night. But I think everyone's grown to accept that and so they give me my space at the show.
I go to sleep thinking about my kids being spoiled and I wake up thinking about it.
When I take my kid to school, all the parents stop and stare.