Stop trying to be less of who you are. Let this time in your life cut you open and drain all of the things that are holding you back.
Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.
Beauty is not who you are on the outside, it is the wisdom and time you gave away to save another struggling soul like you.