If you want happiness, practice breathing exercise. If you want joy, reduce your desires and expand your vision. If you want peace, reduce your ego and love your Self. If you want protection, keep the gap for doing physical relationship like twice in a week or less than that and expand knowledge through spiritual practice
I can do this⦠I can start over. I can save my own life and Iām never going to be alone as long as I have stars to wish on and people to still love.
Let this time in your life cut you open and drain all of the things that are holding you back. Iām going to help you forgive the things that you wonāt let yourself forget.
For so many years, I couldnāt understand why every time I thought that someone finally loved me, like⦠for real, they would eventually turn to vapor. Every person whom Iāve ever loved is trapped inside of my chest. Iāve breathed all of them in so deeply that Iāve nearly choked and died on every soul that Iāve ever given myself to.
Every beginner possesses a great potential to be an expert in his or her chosen field.
I look out into the water and up deep into the stars. I beg the sparkling lanterns of light to cure me of myself ā my past and the kaleidoscope of mistakes, failures and wrong turns that have stacked unbearable regret upon my shoulders.
Does our purpose on Earth directly link to the people whom we end up meeting? Are our relationships and experiences actually the required dots that connect and then lead us to our ultimate destinies?
I fantasize the night sky to be like a cosmic blue print of my life as I close my eyes and unbutton my heartā¦. just in case anyone up there is listening.
Something, somewhere, knows whatās best for me and promises to keep sending me people and experiences to light my way as long as I live in gratitude and keep paying attention to the signs.
Iāve grown up defined by this desperate, undeniable, ācanāt breatheā kind of space inside of myself and Iām afraid that the diagnosis is fatal.
Iāve always seen this in you, ever since you were a little girl ā this hunger to love other people into their highest selves and itās what has made me irreversibly and just so forever in love with you.
Please⦠Whoever you are, whatever you are⦠I believe in you even though I donāt completely understand you. I feel you around me even though I canāt exactly describe what Iām feeling. Sometimes things happen to me and I know that youāre there and Iām humbled by the lack of coincidence that exists in the world. Whatever you want from me, itās yours ā just please help me. You know how I get when I lose control, and I find myself constantly being pulled back there these days.
I wanted, for so long, for someone to understand me better than I understood myself, to take control of me, to save me, to make it all better. I thought that the hardest part of a loving, mutually healing relationship would be showing my vulnerable, raw spots to a person, even though I'd been hurt so many times before. This has not been the hardest part. The actual hardest part has been realizing that no one, no matter how compassionate and kind they are, will say the perfect things always. Myself included. The hardest part has been learning to communicate what I need, to hear what others need, to tell others how to tell me what they need. Intimacy takes a lot of communication. We all have triggers. I don't know your triggers and you don't know mine. No matter how much I love or trust you, you cannot possibly know exactly the words I need to hear, the words I don't want to hear, and the way I like to be touched. And how strange that we expect these things of each other. How strange, and self-sabotaging, that we refuse to get into relationships and friendships with people unless they treat us in just that perfect way. We've been raised to want fairy tales. We've been raised to wait for flawless saviors to rescue us. But the savior isn't flawless and the savior is not coming. The savior is you. The savior is still learning. The savior is never done learning. The savior is a human being. Forget perfect. Forget flawless. And start speaking your truth. Start speaking what you want and how you want it. And start asking and listening, really listening, to what the people around you say. Maybe, then, we will stop abandoning and hurting each other. Maybe, then, there's hope for us.
I feel a resurgence of my 6-year-old self⦠that little warrior, goddess of a girl reminding me of who I was when I was little, before the world got its hands on me.
I know that this process of āme changing my lifeā doesnāt just end once I set fire to this list of things I hate about myself. Tonight isnāt as much of a new beginning as it is a violent end and I know the real work hasnāt even started yet.
Iām going to follow this invisible red thread until I find myself again⦠until I finally figure out⦠who Iām meant to be.
If ever I was running, it was towards you.
I love him in ways that I canāt explain to other people. They donāt understand⦠itās not their fault.