In a few more days I'd anticipated telling Veronika that our injections had cured her heart condition. But in light of her unscheduled departure form Villette my telling that particular lie will not be required. The majority of people who attempt suicide repeat that attempt until they succeed. I took a risk in lying to her about her condition, i decided to test the only remedy i have come to have any faith in: awareness of life. Until she finds out from some other doctor that she is perfectly healthy. She'll consider each day a miracle. Which in my view it is.
uhanku Yang Maha Penyayang, Engkau memerintahkan agar aku memuliakan orang tua dan keluargaku, ...dan agar aku memungkinkan pencapaian impian hati mereka. Aku tahu bahwa aku tak mungkin menyembunyikan dari pengetahuan Mu, tentang kerinduan hatiku untuk mampu melakukan yang Kau perintahkan itu. Tuhan, aku mohon Engkau membuka tabir yang selama ini menutupi rezekiku. Mampukanlah aku membahagiakan keluargaku. Aamiin
During the crash and burn, I began to burn from cranial crown to flat sole, for meaning and understanding. Every concept, psychological perceptions with hardened pathways, everything that registered as inherited from the communal was starting to dissolve into meaninglessness. The foundational tenets, the pre-established belief systems, instilled sustenance systems tended by both family and extended communal began to dissolve, first as trivial, and then as untenable to my being without validation from me. If my life was worth anything, I choose to live the best life for me. So I entered what I call The Blank State.
TanganNya tidak pernah terlalu pendek untuk menjangkau kita...kupingNya tidak pernah terlalu bising sehingga tidak bisa mendengar seruan kita...& mataNya tidak pernah berada terlalu jauh sehingga tidak bisa memperhatikan kita... Tapi,seringkali hati kita yg terlalu kecil untuk menyadari keberadaanNya...& pikiran kita yg terlalu sempit untuk mengakui kekuasaanNya atas semua masalah kita... *nite all..yesaya 55:8