Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mine's putting in an express lane.
People are saying that I'm an alcoholic, and that's not true, because I only drink when I work, and I'm a workaholic.
When I was 20, I used to go around telling stories, and I knew where I was comfortable - onstage, talking, making 'em laugh and listen to the weirdest things. I liked being the center of attention.
I'm not the judge of who that is, but I am a believer that no debt in the universe goes unpaid. If you try to buy early, you'll pay late.
You know, my first album, some of those jokes I'd done for twelve years because I couldn't throw 'em out.
Anything I write that I consider stage-quality work, I won't give my TV show. I put it in my live show.