Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
I have to visualise my jokes, live my jokes, feel the audience because every audience is different. It's like having a different dancing partner every night.
On my tombstone it will say: 'I tried everything - nothing was easy.'
Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before.
